Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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