I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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