I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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