Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
