when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
