OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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