tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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