i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
