nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
