do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
