I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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