she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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