the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
