I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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