he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
