yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm like, not good at living.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
