DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
