me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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