so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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