Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
