We named our party play list daddy issues
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
