The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
