worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
