and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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