He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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