I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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