I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
