the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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