i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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