I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
