My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
