She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
