You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
