Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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