Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
