A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
