I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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