fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
