it wasn't lemon gatorade
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
