Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish my penis had an off switch
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize