it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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