Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
