so explain again why im purple
no
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
