She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
