We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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