This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I deserve this hangover.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
