We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
