I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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