If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize