Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
