so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
be right there i have to get my cape
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
