I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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