Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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