eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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