dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
where am i from again
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
