just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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