I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
