dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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