apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
