we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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