1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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