Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
