Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
