I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
