im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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