i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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