We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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