Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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