I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
