we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
