So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were trust falling into bushes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
