I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
