This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
