Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
