Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
