I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
it was like his penis was on wheels.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
sarcasm needs its own font
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
