I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
