That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
