Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
