morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
