It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
