Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
