You just made me feel so damn special
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
