I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
