So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
