God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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